Eating Solo

Eating alone in a restaurant can daunt the best of us.

If you’re used to company when you eat out, it’s not easy to walk into a restaurant on your own. In fact it’s a great test of one’s self esteem, or at worst, how paranoid you are.

You can feel the centre of attention as a solo diner in the early stages. You may even think people are wondering whether you’ve been stood up, or whether you’re some kind of social misfit.

It’s no wonder tht some single people and many travellers choose to eat in, rather than out, when they don’t have company.

But let’s look to the positive. I’ve been eating out on my own with some application and lots of enjoyment for about 10 years.

While I certainly enjoy eating with others, it’s hard to savor and analyse food to the same extent during animated conversation.

And that’s not to mention the relaxation, celebration and quality thinking time undisturbed by the non-stop flow of conversation from a talkative companion. Or even more practically – enjoying a bottle of expensive wine without having to go halves with someone who gives no indication of appreciating it.

If you’re a serious foodie, then you appreciate getting to know some terrific restaurateurs, chefs and waiters over time.

Here are some practical tips for both customers and restaurants that can help solo dining enjoyment.

For diners:

1. Keep away from the noisy, trendy, hello-darling places. People go to these to see and be seen, to scream and bellow at each other, and hardly care about the food unless it has the latest fashionable ingredients or plate appearance. As a solo eater, you’re not into any of these things, and they will only annoy you.

2. Book, even if it’s only a few minutes before you arrive. This avoids interrogation at the door by ignorant maitres-d- "Are you on your own sir/madam?" "How many for?" What does it look like, you feel like replying. Booking also means the table will be set for one – and that makes you feel rather more special than you might if you’re forced to stand while dramatic removal of settings takes place.

3. If the table’s not against a wall or by a window, ask for one that is. Sometimes you can feel quite uncomortable sitting on your own in the middle of a busy restaurant. Window tables are ideal for solo diners – who don’t have anyone to look at and I like to have a view unspoilt by people who may think you’re trying to eavesdrop, simply because you’re looking right at them every time you look up. After all you have to look somewhere when you’re alone.

4. Only talk to waiters if they seem to want to talk with you. Solo eaters shouldn’t treat staff as their dinner date. They’re busy people, with plenty of others to look after.

5. . Get your order in quickly. One thing a solo diner doesn’t want is a drawn out meal, with long waits between courses. If I finish a bottle of wine before the main course arrives – that’s slow service and I complain. (A good manager will normally give you wine by the glass on the house if that should happen.)

For the restaurateur/waiters:

1. Never, never make a fuss about a person who chooses to eat alone. You might think you’re missing a cover, but check the size of the bill and the tip when they leave – it’s often not far short of the amount for two, who have rushed off before nine o’clock, probably to take their desserts elsewhere.

2. Always give the solo diner a good seat – facing out into the room, or at a window. See above. Couples have each other to look at and don’t need a view.

3. Take their orders quickly and encourage the kitchen to jump their orders up the list. I would assume that it’s easy for the kitchen to put an order between the big table orders, so that you don’t delay the person who has no one to talk to to fill in the time.

4. Offer reading material – some like it, some don’t

5. If you’re not busy, the solo diner may like to discuss the meal after they’ve finished. Don’t be afraid to sit at the table while you talk.

6. A solo diner often appreciates meeting the chef – who’ll get a real conversation. This contrasts with the patronising nonsense which flows when the chef visits the large hello-darling table.

7 Don’t be afraid to do market research with your solo diner, who is usually quite happy to tell you where else they eat, how many people go there, and what the food’s like.

Some recommended general locations in Melbourne for the new solo diner to try out this artform:

Most Chinese, Japanese or Italian places.

Most hotels – large or small – but avoid the trendy, loud ones.

Most establishments in Fitzroy, Collingwood, North Melbourne, West Melbourne, St Kilda.

Keep away from Southbank, Toorak, South Yarra, Richmond and Brighton.

As usual with generalisations, there are exceptions to all these rules – but the principles seem to hold around Australia. Just keep away from trendy, noisy and youthful establishments.

If you’re a newcomer to the field of eating alone, and you want definite recommendations, some places where you’ll be made to feel extremely comfortable are : Kenzan, Zio's, Balzac, Geppetto and the Kingston Hotel Restaurant.

This list has a georgraphical bias because my policy is to frequent restaurants that are within walking distance of home or hotel. All you can really do is to try some places out.

Whenever you discover somewhere that you feel comfortable in, go there ar least once a month,and you’ll find you get special, if not royal, treatment. After all, the solo diner is a serious eater – if not, he or she would be turning on the microwave or calling up room service.

Roger Fry

© Roger Fry 1999